The Carwash Was Fun.
My Day With Anna Hoang and Jenny Lu Was Just As Great.
The Sun Contributed, But Im Ready To Be Cold Again.
And Now, As Much As I Want To NAP, I Shall Start My Homework.
PEACE.

lately

i've been urged to blog but i have nothing to say. except that i've been going through a handful of emotions within the past week.

trying to be patient but time is running out

LOL moment

i was at Ross today with mom & thomas, because she picked us up and wanted to check some stuff out. me & thomas got jamba juice beforehand but couldn't get in because the security said no drinks, but he was niccee. lol. well we went outside and hid em in my bag and went to walk around every aisle like twice cause that's how long my mom took.

anyway, as we were walking down the aisle of clothes, ...

Me: I don't think it's such a good idea for you to walk behind me.
Thomas: Why? ...
Me: Cause I farted.
Thomas HOPS through the rack of jeans to the other aisle while we're hella cracking up.
the same security sees us (& he's like this huge intimidating black man, too).
Security: Woah, what's going on here?
Me (with a sad expression): He doesn't want to walk with me ...
Security to Thomas : What the heck is wrong with you though breh?
LOLL.
& thomas has the GUTS to say hella loud.
Thomas: IT'S CAUSE SHE FARTED!
Security: Oh I'M OUUTAA HERE.
Me: .......

for all the times i embarassed him, he has the guts to embarass me THAT way.

things are changing.

in: happiness, seniors, puppies, laughter, bestfriends, flea market, studying, teachers, family guy, volleyball

out: biters, farts, short weekends, bad facilitators, late-nights, soda

ps. t.s.

i wake up in the morning disturbed by the sound of your bell,
on your bike as you dash past my window into my driveway
i jump out of bed and glance in the mirror for a second to adjust
my hair as i smile and tiptop onto the cold tiles of my kitchen, racing
to unbolt, unlock the doors. swing it open and watch you as you take off
that familiar red helmet and immediately smile and you walk up the stairs,
already starting with a story you have from the ride to my house.
i don't care about anything except for the fact that i want you to hug me.
i don't care about the smell of my unbrushed teeth as i say my hello.
i don't care about the sweat on your back and i weave my arms under the straps
of your backpack to hug you.
you shut up about your mini-story, you hug me back.
you take off your shoes as Sugar races towards you and paws onto your legs,
and we laugh as she sticks her head into your worn-out Vans.
As you unpack your things and sit on my unmade bed, you continue your
story as I finally become concious of my unbrushed teeth and my tangled hair.
the lovely mornings you make.
... then we scavenge through my kitchen and have breakfast together.

i can talk to you, laugh with you, vent to you, cry with you, yell at you, hate you, love you, be 101% myself with you.

jo

LOLLLLLLLLLLL. OMG.
" If you have any Cartilidges ... turn it in to room 239"
LOLOLOL.
made my entire school year already.
i can always depend on you to make me laugh til i'm in tears! & a whole lot more.
which is why it's safe to call her my best friend

rollercoaster

i told him it's been a roller coaster of emotions for me and he denied it. it was a rough ride though, i admit. busy with school, and a little worried about volleyball, i found myself getting so annoyed and pissed off of the littlest things with him. i became blunt with him, and told him he used to be my source of happiness and that wasn't being provided for me. i told him that i am sick of being in relationships. i told him that he pissed me off. and so for about that 3 days, we didn't talk to eachother like that, because i didn't want to. truth be told, by the 3rd hour, i began to miss him but was so stubborn, i refused to even look at him. told him i wanted to break up, when in reality i just wanted him to stop me, and he attempted but it wasn't as effective. and i just continued to ignore him. there was a point where he got mad. because i was so great at hiding my emotions, i had the ability where i could laugh and smile, yet worry & be covered with sadness inside; while he was as readable as a newspaper. it tore me to see him so down, but i continued to be stubborn and question myself was being apart what i really wanted. it surprised me to know how many people realized the tension though we were across the room from eachother, teachers included.

that day, i realized how much i craved a hug :( and i missed him, always did, except when i was angry at him which would only last up to 3 hours. or until he yells because i can never take him seriously when he's genuinely angry at me, because i end up laughing and smiling at him like i can't stop and then he can't help but smiles at me back and siggghhh .. <3 but after i realized i lost my phone and then found it sitting there like 40mins later (thankf!%$*inggoodness) lol. i couldn't help myself, i found him! and gave him the biggest hug ever. i felt the temperature of his cheecks get so hot as he softly pushed me away and told me he had to go, leaving me standing there feeling like someone just slapped me. i texted a text saying i hate him (but didn't understand then he didn't want me to see teardrops.) and with that, i became mad and confused and so damn stupid all over again. he came to watch me play vball on the last day of tryouts... I MADE THE TEAM <3 tehe. anyways,

i suppose i really did learn something. that love is hard to find, hard to define, and hard to maintain. but i found it, i defined it with the way he makes me feel, and we are able to maintain it. it's like we started over. we talked. and basically, it's not a rollercoaster of emotions with him, it's a rollercoaster of moods within myself. depending on the workload or thinking i deal with it school, it affects my mood on him. and well, let's just say i found someone that understands me and knows how to deal with my complicated, embarassing, talkative self.

people may have their views or whatnot on my relationship, but it is MY relationship and i love it. he gets along with my best of friends, mom, dad (kindof lol ;P), brother (hella), and me. and it's too hard to explain in words, but he surprises me a lot in a good way.

i'm just afraid to admit that i'm scared to know this guy loves me so much.

oh so lovey dovey, but idc!

i just saw the commercial for the new ipod nano. want want want! but i'm not going to get it, i think. lol. got to save$. (specifically for the adventures i love to have with thomas and my friends)
love love love.

in: fashion magazines, red lip stain, close b-friends, healthy foods, 2nd-hand vintage clothing, volleyball & 3lb weights, homemade thai tea, C.O. team

out: spending money, junk food, homework & tests, bubble milk teas, calculus, messy rooms

it's a risk

but i'm attempting to dedicate my weekends at home or with my family probably up until winterbreak. with the exceptions of floatbuilding weekends. school so far has just been the same step by step 'procedure', basically the same things everyday. it's pretty calming & i have time to just do things that i have to do. but it's a risk, heart wrenching when i get texts from my friends asking me to go somewhere, go chill (:
i promise to plan something huge this year, whether it's for my birthday or just because. but it'll be for the sake of seeing them all again, outside of school.
other than that, i can say things are going okay.
& atm, i should be finishing my essay because in 2 hours i have some wedding banquet from thomas' side of the family to attend. and i do not know what to wear, lol.

ohyeh (:

we had our 1st C.O. mtg for the school year.
it's my relief where i just leave everything school related-friends related out of my head. that's why i stayed in Aypal. it's my escape.

& volleyball too, i hope i definitely show improvement.
i love it so much!

so far,

it's the third day of school and well, i can say things are very comfortable. i suppose it's not great, and it's better than my previous years; but who am i to judge this early into the year. i guess that handful of us won't be getting harris afterall; i wrote him a letter and everything too :| but switched to vargus 2nd today. & personally, i like how padilla personally showed his concern for me not having an english class for the first 2 days; but it is unfair how the counselors show favoritism in students that are ALREADY on track. we just need MORE counselors is all... i guess i have like 3 classes in a row with thomas & 5 classes with joanna, LOL. all unintentionally. boy, am I gonna get TIRED of 'em. <3

the reason why this year so far isn't all that great is because i, myself, feel this unspoken of kind of drama with several people for several different reasons. but i kindof expected it. i saw ahead of time already that our group, our HUGE lovely group of friends in junior year, has all dispersed within our little cliques surrounded by dotted lines. & all those cliques within the friends group are surrounded by a bolded line. i hate clique-ing; i doubt i'm being a hypocrite. but i do want to get to know the people that i have been going to school with for four years. it's not even about the whole president thing either. which i feel people are thinking; that i only want to talk to them because it's my 'job'? idk, i do a hell of a lot. & a lot of times, i put the class things before my personal stuff. i just want others to appreciate it, too. & i just really want us all to be pretty united, though it might be easier said than done. but how could I even do that, when it's hard to even get my own friends to be together like that?

will this year even be the same. would it still be worth it to organize our 2nd annual secret santa dinner? would we all be running around taking pictures w/ each other. would it be worth it..

& what about float-building; i sure do hope i see new faces this year.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
whatever means 'fuck you/fuck it' in "girl" language; so i heard.
but it's also the word that i find running in my head.