The past.

People always say the words, "The Past" like it's a bad thing. I just spent about 15 minutes just skimming through my old posts. I love it, I can't believe I actually "left" - this feels so much more personal. Yes, there were memories in "The Past" that don't exactly bring up a smile, but they make me realize how much I'm growing. They also remind me that regardless of how much I grow, there's always that one part of me that remains the same. (Sounds a little stupid now that I just read what I typed, but it makes complete sense to me). I should go out and make my life a little more interesting than normal, huh? So I can blog all about it! :)

Strong

I have my own opinions and although I am considerate of other's as well, I will always remain grounded for what I stand for. I can care less of what others think, I've learned that nothing good comes to you for it. For some, common sense isn't common. For some, respect is something they should give to others, they forget to provide respect for themselves. For some, priorities are all shaken up in a bag, orderless.

Just random thoughts.

I want to go back to writing. Words are so beautiful, I want to lengthen my vocabulary.
But it only happens when I get stricken by a strong emotion.

I need to work on my determination for things.

I wonder if people read this.

I hate that it's Google search-able. Someone please tell me how I can make this blog non-google search-able - without making it private, I suppose.

Do you like my music playlist that I 'updated' ? Haha, notice that it's kind of like a lot of love songs. Because I have a feeling that's going to be a lot of what I will be blogging. My love life is lightweight personal to me, and so is this blog. So it goes together. Besides, love songs initiate my creative way of thinking and blogging/writing.

Love Songs and Tumblr.

Love songs and tumblr is not helping my relationship. It is making me over-analyze, over-exaggerate, and over-think. It's making me question more than I should, expect more than he can provide, fighting myself when I shouldn't. It's going to be our 2 years in a couple of weeks. This is the problem with long-term relationships - you both think you're so comfortable to the point where it's safe. Uh, no. I feel like the scripts been flipped here. Thomas thinks he can just go going around acting like he can just be the way he is! After many attempts to tell him how much I miss the way he used to look at me, or the ways he used to surprise me, after telling him numerous times that I miss our relationship when it was still a young kind of love - I still feel like things are the same. I don't even want to see him so often any more, hoping that he will miss me like crazy. I know he loves me. But I just like to be reminded.

I know that a relationship requires both people ... but I feel like I don't have the incentive to do anything or plan anything if he isn't. Relationships are hard especially when it's been a long-term one. It's harder to let go because you have established so many things, so the weaknesses and strengths of the other person. You know how they look completely natural. Haha, but all in all, it's even harder when there really isn't anything wrong. It's even more difficult when both families love the other person as well.

I ask myself a lot if I'm happy.

I ask myself a lot if this really is what love is.

All those people who are so in love but only have been together for a couple years or less. Is it because time hasn't hit them yet? Our relationship is so up and down. I tell him all I feel, but he just laughs and tells me that I think too much. And as much as I know I do, I know just as much that I can put my expectations as high as I want them to be.

I feel really selfish.

If I was to list all the bad things, the good things, the fun things that we have together in our relationship. The only bad thing would be the lack of butterflies. I am still young and I miss the adrenaline so much, so desperately. I feel like we had too many butterflies too fast in the beginning that they got tired of flying. (oh that was such a cute quote, that I felt it was necessary to put it on tumblr - except when I think I have a good quote, I never get any notes on them. haha boo).

I'm such a roller coaster with myself.
I love this boy too much. Then I'm tired of it.
I can't stop thinking about him. Then I don't want to think about him.
I want to see him, but then I see him and nothing feels significantly amazing.
I want butterflies again, but I get butterflies just thinking about the good times we always have together.

But it only happens so and so. The great cute times I mean. Every other time that we get the chance to see each other, are just good days.

This can just go on and on - so I'll probably post another blog right after publishing this one.
To be continued...
I have to go to the gym to get my mind off this for a bit. Then I shall get to studying for my last midterm tomorrow.

Blogging Again

People say that you begin to find yourself in college and I'm wondering if I really am. If I am finding myself in college, then I must say I wasn't much of a out-there kind of person. Haha, I think I'm actually a typically shy person when it comes to being around strangers. I still love talking but only with people I can just feel that comforting kind of vibe with.
But I just miss blogging. On tumblr, I can't exactly blog because it feels different. Because first off, I can't blog about my day every day because my life isn't that interesting where something amazing happens everyday. And usually when I do blog, it's on a personal level with me, as if I'm writing to myself. I feel like my tumblr is too out there to be writing personal thoughts. Tumblr is more realistically where I post good things that happen, or the cute relationship things that happen to me. And here, I feel like this is where the real shit gets written down.
I miss home.