going to start going back to exercising now. been lazy for the half summer. though, i biked every now & then, that has only made my butt sore & my legs muscular.
running the lake tomorrow morning, & then every weekday until school starts again. thomas' doubts are my motivation, punk.
hopefully could make it to circus prescott, sounds hella cute & fun. (:
i give up on hot weather, if it's going to be hot, then let it be with no clouds & wind. if it's gonna be hella damn bipolar like hot in the sun & frikken cold as heck when the clouds cover it, then let it be cold the whole time.
THE BOOK OF ELI is a good movie.
& so is REMEMBER ME with Robert Patterson. idk his last name. Edward Cullen. lol
* reading time now.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
biking
Lol, so last night, i told thomas he better come over @ 9am for a morning bike ride. I woke up at 10am, & to see he hasn't come. So disappointedly, i just knocked out back to bed. An hour later, I wake up to hearing the sound of my doorbell. I look at my phone to see 12 missed calls, 1 voicemail, & 2 texts all from thomas, SHIITTTT. I run to open the door & seeing him sitting on my stairs.
He waited for me outside my house for about 50mins.
This girl, right here, me. am the damn luckiest girl in the world.
He didn't even say anything to me, he wasn't mad or anything. So i quickly threw on a jacket & got ready. He put on my mike basket, pumped my tires & we were ready to go. I've been meaning for a biking day since before I left to Detroit but never found the time to do so. We biked to grab some sushi because I told him I was craving it 2 days ago. MmMmMm.
Went to Alameda Beach. I like it on a windy day, it's not dirty, & it doesn't stink. Brought towels, blankets, & fruits + leftover sushi (which tastes hella good). Stayed there for a good 2hours or so. Talked a lot, about many things. & it just makes me realize, that i'm changing. I can see myself changing. & for once, it's changing to become a better person. I'm not going to lie anymore, not even if it's to prevent hurt feelings. He taught me a lot & especially what it means to be loved.
For the first time in 8 months, I feel like I can tell him anything & everything.
He waited for me outside my house for about 50mins.
This girl, right here, me. am the damn luckiest girl in the world.
He didn't even say anything to me, he wasn't mad or anything. So i quickly threw on a jacket & got ready. He put on my mike basket, pumped my tires & we were ready to go. I've been meaning for a biking day since before I left to Detroit but never found the time to do so. We biked to grab some sushi because I told him I was craving it 2 days ago. MmMmMm.
Went to Alameda Beach. I like it on a windy day, it's not dirty, & it doesn't stink. Brought towels, blankets, & fruits + leftover sushi (which tastes hella good). Stayed there for a good 2hours or so. Talked a lot, about many things. & it just makes me realize, that i'm changing. I can see myself changing. & for once, it's changing to become a better person. I'm not going to lie anymore, not even if it's to prevent hurt feelings. He taught me a lot & especially what it means to be loved.
For the first time in 8 months, I feel like I can tell him anything & everything.
today's summary.
yesterday, we both woke up at 11:30am, so i told Thomas that we can always have our bike ride Wednesday morning. & besides, Armael called me telling me the Jedi was moved to from thursday to tuesday. therefore, i had to call april about the changed plans.
thomas still came over around noon, ate brunch & he biked as i walked to work. i
felt bad for leaving him by himself at quickly because he just HAD to order popcorn chicken & i was going to be late. work was okay-fun (: i taught them all a new energizer & they liked it! yay.
thomas went to the gym. and i went to work.
when i got off work, vincent & ay walked with me because they were getting burritos. they asked me to come with them cause they were going to walk back my direction anyway. SO! like i discovered a whole new better place that makes more delicious tacos & burritos & CHEAPER. a 3 minute walk from my house ;9 yum.
went home & April came to pick me up. she showed me new places in Alameda & we went to tuttimelon, make your own boba? how awesome is that?
in the end, though i had last minute plans, it all worked out. ohyehs, i also bought a book for $5! & i can't wait to transform my world into the book i'm reading again. i can't believe i haven't read all junior, what the hell has gone wrong with me.
thomas still came over around noon, ate brunch & he biked as i walked to work. i
felt bad for leaving him by himself at quickly because he just HAD to order popcorn chicken & i was going to be late. work was okay-fun (: i taught them all a new energizer & they liked it! yay.
thomas went to the gym. and i went to work.
when i got off work, vincent & ay walked with me because they were getting burritos. they asked me to come with them cause they were going to walk back my direction anyway. SO! like i discovered a whole new better place that makes more delicious tacos & burritos & CHEAPER. a 3 minute walk from my house ;9 yum.
went home & April came to pick me up. she showed me new places in Alameda & we went to tuttimelon, make your own boba? how awesome is that?
in the end, though i had last minute plans, it all worked out. ohyehs, i also bought a book for $5! & i can't wait to transform my world into the book i'm reading again. i can't believe i haven't read all junior, what the hell has gone wrong with me.
♥
dear thomas,
i'm bi-polar. i can no longer manage to let my smile hide the way i feel, let alone, i don't think i can lie to you even more. i'm the biggest liar i know in the world. i've probably lied to everyone i know in the world at least once. it's not big ones, just little ones that come so naturally. but i am by-far one the few in the world that anyone can trust. when i say i'm telling the truth, i really am. i've learned to become such a damn wonderful liar when i was with my ex, to avoid the drama & not give any other reasons the start up a fucking argument.
but thomas, you have taught me to tell the truth. maybe because i haven't trusted you for the longest time, i have my load of doubts. and because i expect you to tell me the truth, i have only learned to do the same. i don't want to believe that you've always told me the truth, even when you told me things you knew i didn't want to hear; but i know you have. i lie so naturally, and i'm sorry.
for a while now, i know i can tell you everything & when something exciting happens or when i have a funny story to tell you. wherever you are in the world, i'll tap your name on my favorites list & wait with a smile as my phone finds yours. but to tell you the truth, i've always felt like i didn't want to complain to you, or i don't even expect you to give me advice because i know you can't; because i am a stubborn ass of a 17year old.
you know me so damn much. you know how long it take for me to get ready in the morning, & you are so patient watching me stand in my closet for minutes at a time just staring. you know how often i get distracted when you're talking to me. you know how often i don't finish my food. you know that i change my mind all the damn time about everything. you know that i'm pretty much undecisive. you know that i'm demanding. you know that i always get everything my way. you know that i expect a lot. you know that i hide my feelings all the time. you know that my dad is my weakness. you know that i am super friendly with a lot of people. you know that i inaccurately accuse of you of many things. you know that i get myself involved with way too many things. you know that i talk a lot for no reason. you know me.
i don't know where i'm trying to get at this. but i'm confused right now. because when i have a lot of things on my mind, it affects you, it affects our relationship. when i was stressed with junior year, that was when we got argued because i couldn't take it & when you tried to cheer me up, i yelled at you for not understanding. and now is the time where as though i am lost. and i dont know what to do. i have to much things i have to get done and i feel like it doesn't help us.
i know that i'm a great thing for you. your family loves me. & because of me, you're not trapped up at home. i know that i keep you focused on school and that i'm a motivation for you to finish your assignments on a daily basis. i know i'm someone to think of, someone to find comfort in, someone to miss. & someone to eat with. someone to share stories with.
well, i still don't know where i'm going with this. it's another one of my bi-polar nights, where i feel it one day and the next i'm completely happy again. i'm lost with myself because i see myself becoming someone that i don't want to be.
um ..
i'm bi-polar. i can no longer manage to let my smile hide the way i feel, let alone, i don't think i can lie to you even more. i'm the biggest liar i know in the world. i've probably lied to everyone i know in the world at least once. it's not big ones, just little ones that come so naturally. but i am by-far one the few in the world that anyone can trust. when i say i'm telling the truth, i really am. i've learned to become such a damn wonderful liar when i was with my ex, to avoid the drama & not give any other reasons the start up a fucking argument.
but thomas, you have taught me to tell the truth. maybe because i haven't trusted you for the longest time, i have my load of doubts. and because i expect you to tell me the truth, i have only learned to do the same. i don't want to believe that you've always told me the truth, even when you told me things you knew i didn't want to hear; but i know you have. i lie so naturally, and i'm sorry.
for a while now, i know i can tell you everything & when something exciting happens or when i have a funny story to tell you. wherever you are in the world, i'll tap your name on my favorites list & wait with a smile as my phone finds yours. but to tell you the truth, i've always felt like i didn't want to complain to you, or i don't even expect you to give me advice because i know you can't; because i am a stubborn ass of a 17year old.
you know me so damn much. you know how long it take for me to get ready in the morning, & you are so patient watching me stand in my closet for minutes at a time just staring. you know how often i get distracted when you're talking to me. you know how often i don't finish my food. you know that i change my mind all the damn time about everything. you know that i'm pretty much undecisive. you know that i'm demanding. you know that i always get everything my way. you know that i expect a lot. you know that i hide my feelings all the time. you know that my dad is my weakness. you know that i am super friendly with a lot of people. you know that i inaccurately accuse of you of many things. you know that i get myself involved with way too many things. you know that i talk a lot for no reason. you know me.
i don't know where i'm trying to get at this. but i'm confused right now. because when i have a lot of things on my mind, it affects you, it affects our relationship. when i was stressed with junior year, that was when we got argued because i couldn't take it & when you tried to cheer me up, i yelled at you for not understanding. and now is the time where as though i am lost. and i dont know what to do. i have to much things i have to get done and i feel like it doesn't help us.
i know that i'm a great thing for you. your family loves me. & because of me, you're not trapped up at home. i know that i keep you focused on school and that i'm a motivation for you to finish your assignments on a daily basis. i know i'm someone to think of, someone to find comfort in, someone to miss. & someone to eat with. someone to share stories with.
well, i still don't know where i'm going with this. it's another one of my bi-polar nights, where i feel it one day and the next i'm completely happy again. i'm lost with myself because i see myself becoming someone that i don't want to be.
um ..
a little emo inside.
i'm strangling myself inside. sad and i kind of know the reason why, but at the same time i'm questioning why i shouldn't be happy. jennyyu has been helping me with prom & her mind has been at it more than my officers. i've been less motivated to do as much as i should knowing some & hearing others; i know it's my duty to push my officers but i am not going to admit that i'm on the verge of giving up & that i will get this done. location, everything is set. as for fundraisers, i'm going to do all the structure & coordination myself. i'll see how long i can last.
i'm going to spend a lot of my summer with joanna & when jenny comes back, i want her to come back to us, too. cause i feel like i'm going to cry, literally. because of everything that runs through my mind. i appreciate them so much for the things they do for me & the happiness they can provide. they are the two people that has proved to lift stress off my shoulders. nobody has.
my mom, yes definitely. the best mom i can ever have, she will do anything for me, put my life before hers. she's involved with the things i do & supportive of everything.
HUGE SIGH.
i'm going to spend a lot of my summer with joanna & when jenny comes back, i want her to come back to us, too. cause i feel like i'm going to cry, literally. because of everything that runs through my mind. i appreciate them so much for the things they do for me & the happiness they can provide. they are the two people that has proved to lift stress off my shoulders. nobody has.
my mom, yes definitely. the best mom i can ever have, she will do anything for me, put my life before hers. she's involved with the things i do & supportive of everything.
HUGE SIGH.
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