Hm, idk what's been up really. Things have been chill, in other words, boring. At school specifically. Lately, as in the past day or 2, it has been cheering up with laughing. I realize that I don't even care much about talking to everybody - I love talking though, just not to certain people that I don't sense 'comfortability' around. I guess everyone's friends, but there's only a selected few that can bring in a sincere smile and not a forced one or whatnot. Thing is, I feel a lot of selfishness in a lot of things. I don't know how to elaborate on that, but we're all just in it for well, ourselves. That's why I hate asking favors or asking people to do things, because I feel like they feel like why can't I do it. I can, but time is also limited. Ehh. In front of me are my homework assignments, and the time is telling me to sleep. But I just got sucked into blogging when I turned on my computer. I haven't typed out my feelings for a while and it feels nice.
More specifically ... I don't know if my relationship with Thomas has made a drift in hanging out time with friends, because I notice that it's like that with everyone. In class, we don't even talk to our 'friends', or at least from my classes and what I see. We're already all in our individual cliques. At lunch, they're just people to me. I feel like I enjoy talking to other people that I don't or haven't normally hung out with because truthfully, I know them just as much as my friends. Which is, not much. As understated or shallow as it sounds, it's what's clearly right there and I KNOW they know it. No one is really to blame actually. But once in a while, I enjoy my time or the couple of seconds I talk to them. I know them, I know their personalities, I know where they live (lol), and well, I just know enough about them to call them friends but on an average daily basis, they're just classmates. But back on Thomas, we don't even talk like that at school, just small talk. Nothing relationship like, he just follows me, lol. And there's not much to blame really. I've really loved lunchtime eating with him, joanna, and miles. It's so funny, and you're not forced to smile again. And then the weekend comes, and I suppose that's when I really spend time with my family, or more like mom and tyven because dad doesn't even hang out with us.. in fact, I just realized he's not even home yet .. sigh. The weekend is time when I want to squeeze in time with Thomas, too because that's when we're really boyfriend/girlfriend & that's how we have to keep our relationship healthy. School is really bleh - it used to be fun to see all your friends, ya' know, but I don't even communicate with them much & I really do miss it like last year. It's actually really surprising when one of 'em talks to me. I don't even know if it's just me or not :| But ohwells, one can only dwell on the past for so long.
Soon senior year will be over & we'll all split ways, whoopdedoo.
Kind of scary how the year is also going by really fast.