Love songs and tumblr is not helping my relationship. It is making me over-analyze, over-exaggerate, and over-think. It's making me question more than I should, expect more than he can provide, fighting myself when I shouldn't. It's going to be our 2 years in a couple of weeks. This is the problem with long-term relationships - you both think you're so comfortable to the point where it's safe. Uh, no. I feel like the scripts been flipped here. Thomas thinks he can just go going around acting like he can just be the way he is! After many attempts to tell him how much I miss the way he used to look at me, or the ways he used to surprise me, after telling him numerous times that I miss our relationship when it was still a young kind of love - I still feel like things are the same. I don't even want to see him so often any more, hoping that he will miss me like crazy. I know he loves me. But I just like to be reminded.
I know that a relationship requires both people ... but I feel like I don't have the incentive to do anything or plan anything if he isn't. Relationships are hard especially when it's been a long-term one. It's harder to let go because you have established so many things, so the weaknesses and strengths of the other person. You know how they look completely natural. Haha, but all in all, it's even harder when there really isn't anything wrong. It's even more difficult when both families love the other person as well.
I ask myself a lot if I'm happy.
I ask myself a lot if this really is what love is.
All those people who are so in love but only have been together for a couple years or less. Is it because time hasn't hit them yet? Our relationship is so up and down. I tell him all I feel, but he just laughs and tells me that I think too much. And as much as I know I do, I know just as much that I can put my expectations as high as I want them to be.
I feel really selfish.
If I was to list all the bad things, the good things, the fun things that we have together in our relationship. The only bad thing would be the lack of butterflies. I am still young and I miss the adrenaline so much, so desperately. I feel like we had too many butterflies too fast in the beginning that they got tired of flying. (oh that was such a cute quote, that I felt it was necessary to put it on tumblr - except when I think I have a good quote, I never get any notes on them. haha boo).
I'm such a roller coaster with myself.
I love this boy too much. Then I'm tired of it.
I can't stop thinking about him. Then I don't want to think about him.
I want to see him, but then I see him and nothing feels significantly amazing.
I want butterflies again, but I get butterflies just thinking about the good times we always have together.
But it only happens so and so. The great cute times I mean. Every other time that we get the chance to see each other, are just good days.
This can just go on and on - so I'll probably post another blog right after publishing this one.
To be continued...
I have to go to the gym to get my mind off this for a bit. Then I shall get to studying for my last midterm tomorrow.
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